he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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