I faked an abortion last night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
