So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
wow bdsm is so cute
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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