Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
