I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
