We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
