yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
