Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
