Swine flu. Run for my life!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
