Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
