i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
