Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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