Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
