tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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