If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
