if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
