Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
