Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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