Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
