i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
