mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
