I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
