YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
