Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
