I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
