he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
