weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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