when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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