Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
