the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
