just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
