her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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