...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
