Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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