Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
