How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
