My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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