i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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