dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
