11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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