so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
