why didn't you poke me back
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
