I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
