I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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