Your tits are I can't wait for
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
