...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
