i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
