I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
