One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
