I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
