Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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