You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
