first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
