you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
