you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
