Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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